Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize