Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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