I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
