I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
