Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
