We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
