I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found puke in my bra..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
