so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
