Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
