how hairy? two words: wookie tits
nutella sex= disaster
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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