hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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