i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
