i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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