sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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