I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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