great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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