we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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