Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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