guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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