Your mouth is God's brothel.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
