i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
