his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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