nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
