just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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