We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
