All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
