Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
