The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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