I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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