After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
