I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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