Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
