Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
