Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
