i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
