I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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