Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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