I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
