look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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