Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
