You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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