you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't deserve a penis
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
