my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
