All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
