Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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