There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
