lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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