I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
