Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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