I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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