I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think i have two assholes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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