I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
