remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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