I have demons in me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
