If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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