when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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