apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
